HEALTH TESTING

Today a friend of mine met with me to go to the office of my district as my interpreter so that I could sign up for aerobics classes! While there I met my instructor and before we left she told us that before starting the class I'd need a health report that I could get at the clinic nearby which is where most of the students go.

My friend had already been to a health class in the past and had said that it wasn't a big deal and that we probably even had time for her to take me there to get one. She explained that you simply go in tell them you're in good health, what you want and why. They'd probably ask a few questions and then give me a health report.

We trekked to the clinic only to find it very crowded. She needed to get back home for an event and I suggested that tomorrow I could return to the clinic on my own or even go to the private hospital near me. She pointed out that the clinic may be closed tomorrow and that the private hospital would probably have quite a fee, but started prepping me with phrases and words that'd be helpful for me to know and sentences to say in order to do so. We parted ways and as I was passing the private hospital I decided to go there and try to find out how much it'd cost to get a health form.

I went in and stood on a line that really didn't exist because 2 people jumped in front of me. Then finally I spoke to the concierge-like person, I think the sign said "for information". I did my best to clearly read/mimic the phrases my friend had shared with me and after much repetition and gesturing on both our parts I deduced that I needed to go downstairs.

Downstairs I explained to the receptionist that I needed to get a health form for my aerobics class. I asked how much it would be. Then she asked me something that I didn't understand so I repeated that I needed a health form for my aerobics class and asked if that would be a problem. She then gestured for me to go to the other side of the hall, maybe 4 yards away from her. I couldn't figure if I was going to a room/office or one of the 2 people engaged in conversation. When I walked over their conversation ensued and I couldn't make out what the room behind them was so I got the receptionist's attention and she pointed in that direction again, which still didn't clarify anything. When the lady who was talking got on the elevator, the gentleman turned to me to find out what I wanted. I recited my carefully rehearsed script and he said something that sounded exactly like what the receptionist said. It sounded vaguely familiar and I repeated it to myself to see if that would jog my memory. Finally he asked, "why". To which I exclaimed, "Oh you speak English!" Then it dawned on me that the word he said was what I had been told meant why.

He led me back to receptionist and motioned to another lady to come over. He spoke to her and gestured to me as he spoke. I heard "speak English" and I noticed that she got wide-eyed and frantically shook her head saying something to which he laughed then turned to me and told me she would help me before he walked away. I turned back to her and she just looked at me before gesturing that I wait there as she took off. She returned shortly with another lady. I wasn't paying attention to what she said but the lady at some point looked at her wide-eyed and shook her head, pointed to herself, said some stuff and shook her head again. The first lady then motioned to the second lady who smiled hesitantly and told me to come with her.

She led me upstairs to another hallway and had me sit outside the office. She knocked on the door and another lady came out who looked like a nurse. She spoke to her excitedly and they both laughed before the other walked off. She went into the office then returned briefly and motioned for me to follow her inside. Inside was a doctor reading a book on cardiology. She spoke to him, he spoke to her. He spoke to me in the language as I struggled to make sense of what he was saying. Then I just gave my carefully recited speech. He asked, why. I was getting kind of tired of this question b/c my speech specifically said, "I need a health report FOR my aerobics class. I'm in good health. Is there a problem?" So I repeated this and then again said I needed it FOR my aerobics class. Then he asked me where. Then he asked me if I was a student. I explained that I was a teacher before thinking that had absolutely nothing to do with anything relevant and maybe he meant student in terms of university. I explained as best I could that I was taking a class at the district office down the road and that my teacher said I needed a health report. I stated that I was in good health and asked if there was a problem and how much a health form costs. The doctor and my kind helper talked some more before she gestured for me to follow her.

The lady led me back downstairs to another office directly under his and to the first gentleman who spoke a little English. I barely got in the door when he excitedly and somewhat agitatedly, it seemed, spoke to her and shook his head and waved his arms. It was if he was shooing me away and my interpretation read a little like, "If she wants a health form, get her to pay for it and give her some kind of form and send her on her way". Finally, she quickly led me away from there and back to the receptionist who asked my name and if I had a picture ID. I gave her my work permit book to get the information. She wrote it all down on a small form and gave me a price. I asked if she'd take my card which she did and I paid the equivalent of about $27. I was quite happy to do this and sign the receipt just to get that little health form from her that she was filling out and be on my way.

However, she handed the form to the lady who was helping me and gave me the receipt. The lady motioned for me to follow her AGAIN. She led me back up the stairs to the cardiology-book-reading doctor and started talking to him AGAIN. He conversed with the girl for quite a while before motioning and speaking to me about something having to do with writing. I wasn't sure what. So I guessed test? Yes, did I need a health test? I told him I didn't know but once more I repeated me that I needed a health report for my aerobics class. Is there a problem? He spoke to the lady again. Eventually another, more mature lady came in and they invited her to join the conversation. At this point I didn't see the point of trying to understand what they were saying or what was going on. Too much could be misinterpreted, probably already had and I was lost.

I was quite confused because I'd just been taken practically on a tour of the hospital to various people then asked for money and no one could tell /had yet told me if I was going to get what I came for or IF I could get what I came for.
Finally, I just asked again, if there was a problem. The second lady who'd just arrived on the scene spoke to me in English asking what I wanted. I explained that I need a health report for my class. She asked what class and where. I explained that the district offers free classes at their centers and that I was planning on taking one nearby. She then told me that she thought I needed to get a form from them to fill out. I explained that they simply sent me to get a form and didn't give me one so maybe there wasn't one to be completed and that I was sure anything from them would be okay. She asked if they sent me "here" and I said they sent me to the clinic but I came here instead. She responded that she thinks I need to go back to them and tell them I need a form.

At this point I was quite happy an English speaker was there because I wouldn't have had the audacity to attempt to say this in their language. I said, "okay, but what did I just pay for?" She looked confused. I explained that I just went downstairs and paid for something and if I wasn't getting a health report, what then was I paying for? I showed her the receipt and she looked at it. Then asked what I needed the form for again. I explained that I'd just signed up earlier that morning for the aerobics class offered by the district and that my instructor told me to go to a doctor and get a health report. At this she responded, "Oh aerobics!" motioning with her arms and then started talking with the other 2 for a few more minutes. She turned to me and asked if I'd be doing any swimming to which i replied no, just aerobics, this time using her motions. She said okay and returned to her conversation. Finally she headed to the door and the other lady motioned for me to stay put. They both left me in the room with the cardiology-book-reading doctor wondering what had just happened and what magic words I'd just spoken that I hadn't before.

The cardiology-book-reading doctor finally got up from his desk and came over to me. He grabbed a stethoscope, listened to my heart, listened to my breathing, took my blood pressure and then...............he said, "okay" and nodded! I almost burst out laughing! He walked back to his desk and wrote something on a piece of paper and led me to the door and handed it to my helper friend was on the other side. He motioned for me to go with her and I thanked him amused by what had just transpired and had appeared to be my health test. I assume they figured they needed to do "something" to show the foreigner had actually been seen by someone for the money she paid.

The lady led me to the elevator and we went to the floor that I'd originally started out on (with the "concierge"). She had me follow her to a room that looked like a business office and indicated that I sit in one of the seats while she spoke to the lady at the desk. The lady took my passport and started typing. About 5 minutes later she returned my passport and left with whatever she'd been typing. When she returned she handed me the paper which looked like a very brief letter. I looked at it and asked, "okay?" "Okay" she said. I walked out with my "health report" and headed across the street home.

I figure now that the whole experience was my health test. I spoke to my language helper who was also highly amused by the whole event as well as one of my coworkers. Our take on it is that they figured that after I'd traipsed up and down that hospital, if my vitals were still good then YES! I passed the health test! FYI the letter said something to the effect of "to the best that we can see/tell she is able to participate". It also had my middle name as my last name but, I'm not complaining!