I'd recently been feeling a bit under the weather, thought I shook it a week ago but the past 3 days have left me lethargic, quickly congested with a painful ear and shooting headaches. This morning I was convinced by the ever increasing earache and beginning of a cough that woke me throughout the night that I probably have an ear infection that can't go away without medical intervention. So I set out to figure out how to quickly find a doctor and get a ride there ASAP. In God's great mercy to me I'd recently gotten a redirected late payment notice on my new insurance and was able to pay it on the deadline on Monday. Which meant that I still had insurance and once their office opened someone was able to help me find doctor's offices near me. I located a walk-in clinic with 12 hour service and then realized that now I had to find a way to get there in back.
I'd only in the past month started having a social life of any sort, joined a church and began venturing off campus (mostly to church and the grocery store) and because of spring break it dawned on me that the few contacts I have may not be around. In my heart I started to grumble about my current status and long for the days of old when I depended on no one. My senior year of college I had been able to buy a car which got me through student teaching and to 2 weeks before the end of my first year at my job in DC. By then because I lived in the DC metro area I had no need for a car. I loved being able to walk blocks away to corner or grocery stores and being able to mix public transportation of reasonably reliable bus and metro with walking to work and being mere blocks away from church and church family. This independence and convenience only grew in my city in Central Asia where I could catch a ride, walk, take a bus, minibus, ferry, tram and metro train all in one day! How could I now be so debased to being in the confines of this little bubble out in nowhere, not knowing where to go or how? How did I think this sort of decline in my "maturity" and "adulthood" was a good idea? Sadly, much like the grumbling, forgetful children of the Israel, freed from slavery and walking around in the dessert after being miraculously provided by bread, quail and water, and this after the miraculous parting of the Red Sea to spare them from their captors, I was forgetting His past faithfulness, kindness, wisdom and sovereignty. Thankfully it was early in the morning and my Father was swift to both point this out to me and cause me to repent of my lack of trust and faith in Him to do good to me to the praise of His glory. I was able to utter out a prayer that He HAD to do something because I certainly couldn't plus my ear and head were really hurting as the hours dragged on. He has never failed me and I was sure He cared about m health. I didn't know how or what but He was going to do something.
As much as I hated feeling and being so very needy I texted a few people I have as contacts that do the texting thing and for once gave thanks for Facebook. I sent out a group message to any FB friends I've made in the area explaining my situation and need for a ride to the doctor if at all possible. As the time seemed to drag on my pain and discomfort made me think of the greater pain and discomfort friends of mine have experienced through worse illness and diseases that have ravaged their lives and in some cases finally called them home. I remember the peace and the trust they had in God, not knowing why but knowing that He can be trusted. I remember the longing it gave them for home and the ways that it reminded me that I'm not home yet and still waiting, anxiously anticipating His calling me home or returning and taking away pain, sorrow, illness and death and making all things new. I thanked Him for the reminder of pain that caused me not to be satisfied with this world and long for heaven. I thanked Him for His Son who suffered far worse than any human ever could not simply concerned with the moment but of the freedom, joy, hope and peace His pain and suffering would ultimately bring for those who follow Him waiting and longing for new creation ultimately fulfilling the promises of God. I prayed for those I knew are currently in suffering and tribulation and that they will find Him holding them fast and that their faith would stand as a testimony of the character of God and hope we have in Him.
In a few hours a friend of mine called me and offered to pick me up and take me to the doctor ASAP. I got a ride with her and her two sweet girls (I have been CRAVING kiddo-time and just hanging with them in the care was so sweet)! At the doctor's office I was surprised to find that I had an ear infection, sinus infection and started developing bronchitis! It was so bad the doctor issued me a steroid and said that I had a really bad case of allergies and would need to start taking a heavy duty allergy medication, antibiotics and continue through spring. I was SOOOO thankful for His timing and making my ear hurt so much that I was willing to reach out for help. My friend returned to pick me up and took me to the pharmacy but there was a mix-up with my insurance and discount. Since her husband was out of town she offered to let me take she and her kids home and keep the car to go back to the pharmacy and even get grocery shopping done for spring break! Hours later, having started meds and feeling on the mend I was both incredibly thankful and humbled that He brought me to a place of feeling so low and needy so that I could know my need of Him. So that I could cry out to Him. So that I could find comfort in Him and He then used the body to meet my needs. Further, He provided above and beyond what I had asked or imagined. Despite my moments of doubting His good plan and faithful hand, He had a blessing planned for me beyond what I could imagine. When my friend brought me back later that night we recounted God's goodness to me that day and His goodness to His children in His timing to get me to the doctor, His provision of not just a ride to the doctor but my other practical needs, the opportunity to spend time with some kiddos and the fact that He allows things to disrupt our plans and ideals so that He can be glorified.
Although I often find it uncomfortable to make my needs known, my needs are a means of His love being displayed through the body and causes us to together remember and be thankful for His care for us most evidenced in His provision of our greatest need in Christ Jesus. I'm so thankful He is sovereign, timely and good. I'm so thankful that He doesn't forget me the way I forget Him and His kindness. I'm so thankful He doesn't grumble and complain when I don't get the lessons He's been patiently teaching. I'm so thankful that I can trust Him even though I don't know or understand what He is always up to. I'm so thankful that although I can't see how or from whence, He has been faithful to provide and is faithful so He will continue being my Jehovah Jireh.
No comments:
Post a Comment